Writing is Fighting

Jessie Jackson gives a new definition to "foot in mouth" syndrome

I have to admit that when I first saw the clip of Rev. Jesse Jackson exposing his ‘ghetto side,’ I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself. Damn, you better watch when those mics are on, son! Obviously not a whole lotta people thought it was funny as I thought it was.

I don’t know if it was political posturing by media pundits, but a lot of people were pissed. But why? I thought that based on the public response on Jackson’s public gaffe, there is something that no one – especially the guest commentators on CNN or Michael Eric Dyson on NBC’s Today Show bothered to mention – or maybe didn’t want to raise it publicly, that was that maybe Jackson has a right to be (privately) pissed at Obama’s speech on black fatherhood. No, not because he’s playa hatin’ or anything like that, but because his message – which I agreed with, btw – was aired in such a public manner. Yes, black folks – actually everyone needed to hear some of the truths Obama spoke, but I think that Jackson was (is?) pissed for two reasons:

1) He said what white folks wanted to hear him say. Look, Obama can’t please everyone. As the first African-American presidential candidate who has a snowballs chance in actually winning, he’s screwed. He has to appease white people who are scared of black folks and are wary of voting for a Negro, and he has to show black folks that he is still ‘down with the brown,’ despite being a representative for all Americans. He also has to win over Latinos, Asians, Clinton supporters, white so-called ‘’liberal” feminists…anyone who is wary of his policies, his so-called ‘lack of experience,’ and still (for the love of Christ, people) think he is a Muslim.

Also, the fear of having a strong, fine Sista as a potential First Lady is enough to make people doubtful of having a brother in the White House. An Obama candidacy cannot transcend race or racism, let’s get real, y’all. When Obama talks about black parenting, fatherlessness, welfare and the ails of black people in general, to some it seems like he is pandering to the demographic of people who say/think “If only those people would……..” And to some extent that was what I initially thought, that it was pandering to the same people that feel that black racism does not really exist, that if something happens it is our fault. “If only they would get a job, stop having children out of wedlock and act as we do, there would be no problems.........My ancestors weren’t slave owners.” Also, as much as some folks (like in every cultural / entho-graphic population) do perpetuate some of the social situations Obama was discussing, not all of us do. I am not sure of many things in life, but I am pretty sure that there are a whole lotta people who think that black folks are a monolithic group.

We are all the same and we all have propensity to get into some sort of trouble. And those of us that don’t – the very few of us, that is – well, we don’t know our place. We are uppity, think we are ‘better’ and need to be taken down a notch or two. Because of several generations of passed down self-hate and insecurity about our rightful presence in North America, we all feel some sort of responsibility. So when Obama airs our dirty laundry (just like Bill Cosby), it feels like he as exposed an issue that should be taken place behind closed doors.

2) Who the hell is this Negro? A bi-racial, rich, successful, not even really African-American man has the nerve to be spilling our mess…….in a black church…..in front of a television camera…..on Father’s Day? Who the fuck does he think he is, that trifling motherfucker? Obama probably got more people to listen to him than in all the years that Jackson, Rev. Al Sharpton, Bill Cosby and any other so-called ‘black leaders’ have essentially been saying the same thing. And while the furor about his racial identity has calmed down a bit, there is that question of, is he really black? Unfortunately, one of the most insidious but easiest insults used to disparage black folks by black folks is to question their authenticity.

Any time Obama screws up, says or does things that make people think twice about their blind allegiance to his candidacy, they will pull this one out. And while in some ways, people might be legitimately salty because of his social and economic stature (similar to the misgivings about Cosby) his own story – his father wasn’t around and he was raised by his mother’s parents – do add to his legitimacy to let it all hang out. People just conveniently ignore that part of his story. Why? I dunno. Maybe because of self-determination, intelligence and a whole lotta good luck, people would rather be envious than look at his personal background as something to be emulated and proud of. Who knows?

I was talking to my sorta-boss about this today and she said that what bothered her was the media’s constant coverage of Obama that insinuated a tension between him and other blacks. What admires her about Obama is that he signifies how far America has come in terms of accepting the diversity of their country, yet the media is always trying to throw a wrench into that progress. And she is right. After all, why would anyone leak the clip of Jackson if they weren’t trying to prove a point?

The last year and so have been exciting, disappointing and a real dose of reality in terms of race relations in North America. I hope Obama wins the presidency, but I also know that there is a whole lotta bullshit to come.

A (very late) Post for Black Music Month - err, kinda

First, Happy Canada Day!

Lucky for me I have the day off, which has been good since I was tired as hell. I just did something that I haven't done in years, which was to take an afternoon nap, which was nice but Huey (my cat) does not like me to sleep. He gave me an hour, and then started crying for attention.

Because of the summer sun rising earlier in the morning, he does the same thing every day about 5:00am, which is probably why I am so beat - this has been going on since early April. Sometimes, he will sit on my chest and start licking my face until I get up. He isn't hungry and he does not want to go for his morning run on the balcony. He just wants me up to supervise him. And as soon as I drag my ass out of bed, he falls asleep. Damn cat!

Anyhow, back to the matter at hand. I wanted to post a video to this band I found via METAL EDGE called Straight Line Stitch. They are a death metal band from Tennessee and yes, I have to admit what drew my attention to the band is that the singer is a black woman. Once I saw her picture in the magazine I wanted to check it out, as she kind of embodies what I am talking about in my upcoming book. But if she sucked, then so be it - I simply am not going to champion a metal band because there is a black woman in it, if I don't like their music.

But I was relieved to see / hear that they don't suck. Actually, they are really good. Alexis, the singer, alternates between the death metal scream thing / growling and clean vocals - actual singing. She has a very good singing voice and the band is good enough that when she does do the clean vocals, it still matches the aggression of the music. She is really good at the scream / growl thing to - quite honestly, some female singers can't pull it off. Off the top of my head, I think that Otep is really good; I've heard a few Arch Enemy tracks and I'm not sure about Angela Gossard - on some of the older stuff I was like, 'she kicks ass!' but I recently heard some newer stuff and I didn't like it at all.

To me, women in metal music is kinda like the conundrum I think about white women who were so rabid about Hillary Clinton becoming President: You have to separate your own hope that a female will obtain success within a historically male-dominated structure, versus whether they have the qualifications, either professional or personality - to do it. It has to do with gender in terms of symbolism, but it has nothing to do with gender if they will not be able to do the job. Funny, black folks gets slammed for this all the time - people think that we just blindly follow and support people because they are black, yet the media seemed to think that Clinton's blind supportsimply because she was a woman was acceptable. If that was the case, I'd be listening strictly to hip-hop and in love with R. Kelly's triflin' paedophile ass!

Anyway.....here is the video. Does this have anything to do with June's Black Music Month? I think so. It is an indication that the younger generation of black folks are participating in alternative genres of music - not being pigeonholed into what is expected of them. Kudos for Alexis and by black brotha's and sistas in the struggle!

Heavy MTL Festival -Man, what a trip!

This weekend I travelled to Montreal to review the Heavy MTL festival for METAL EDGE Magazine. Two days of fun, sun and metal! Yeah!  It was probably one of the most intense experiences I have had in my life. I learned a lot - I know what to do for the next time - and met some interesting people ( and I prefer Montreal to Vancouver, BTW).

Basically, what I did was conduct a interview, walk around, write copious notes, talk to folks and ensure that the wonderful Jazmin (the photographer I worked with...Awesome! - he took this pic of Hatebreed's Jamey Jasta) got pictures of Voivoid, whom I interviewed earlier in the week. I tried to get some interviews with other artists, but ran in to some scheduling difficulty, my own newbie incompetence, etc, so I decided not to really focus on that, and just ensure that I see all the bands I could. And I did, trust me.  I have to admit when I first got to the park, I was nervous as hell. It was this hot, giant dustbowl with gravel paved at the front of the stage, tons of people and the stages ( there were two almost stadium-sized stages right beside each other) were massive. Within the first couple of seconds I realized that gaining access to the backstage (which was pretty limited if you were not a sponsored partner) was going to be hopeless. I was totally overwhelmed and wondered how I was going to endure two days of the heat, the sand and gravel and that not only did I not really know anyone there, that I was going to be one of the handful of black folks in a sea of young, sexually and emotionally frustrated young white men. The above pic is of Warrant, and let's just say that the singer, Jani Lane, did not age well.

Let me tell ya, this weekend was very, very difficult. I loved the music, the bands, seeing Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Hatebreed, Voivod and Motley Crue for the first time in my life was a total trip. The crowd was, for the most part, really cool and Montrealer's sure know how to party! Some people, let's just say, were not so cool.

People, some people do not like seeing black folks / women, at these shows. At one point, I wondered whether I should leave early because I didn't feel safe leaving late at night with the throngs of people, but i toughed it out, hung out with some people and had a good time. I really think that at my age, being a press member is the best way to see a show, and the kids I talked to were pretty cool, but I tell you I will always remember this experience for the rest of my life - It has definitely honed my journalist chops, told me a bit more about race relations in the country, and most importantly shown me that I am a ride-or-die, true METAL HEAD.

I'll let you know when the article will be ready at the magazine.

   

Random Thoughts and Musings, Pt. 20

Jeez, this is the third time this weekend I have written this post! My computer keeps on crashing, so I'm writing this in Windows Live Writer so I can save this in case it crashes again. DO NOT buy a Toshiba laptop.

Cancer Bats Piece in.......

METAL EDGE

Check it out! It is my first article for the magazine and I'm stoked! It's not going to be online so I'll PDF the print article and I'll have it up shortly.

Obama, Obama Obama

This past week on Blogher I wrote that I was relieved that the Democratic nomination was over - but the worst was probably yet to come. I had a bit of a run-in with a rabid Hillary supporter who, like many other people who refuse to admit that racist tactics from the Clinton camp actually happened and that racism is a figment of black people's imagination. I figured that I wasn't going to spend much time more on that issue, and you cannot get blood from a stone. Plus, what this person thinks is generally irrelevant anyway, just like my opinions, I guess. Hopefully I won't get into trouble from the Blogher powers-that-be for cutting off the conversation......

The premise of the post was, what do people do now? A lot of nastiness was raised, people's true colours were shown and now that Obama has been nominated, are people just supposed to forgive and forget? People have seen the slimy tactics that are used to win an election. Perhaps in my supreme naivety I sometimes forget that this is just real life, but I tell ya, if I was an American Democrat and Clinton won the nomination, I would be voting Independent.

Yesterday, I checked out That Black Girl and she has has an interesting post up about feeling more self-confident because of Obama's success (written before he officially won the nomination). I am assuming that she feels that white folks will now have greater respect for blacks, now that one of our 'own' has a great chance of becoming the next American president. What do you think?

In the first two drafts of this post I wrote that I didn't think that an Obama Candidacy is going to change much in terms of making white (or otherwise) folks who currently harbour racist thought suddenly become non-racist. I have a hard time believing that in 2008, people were using race-baiting tactics in the presidential campaign. Not like I think that racism is dead, but it is so blatantly politically correct that it just doesn't look so good. Kinda lazy, innit?

Well some people bought it. He's Muslim, right? He is a black militant whom, if elected will give the great unwashed masses of uneducated Negroes jobs in the White House. God Forbid!!!

So back to TBG. From previous posts, it is evident that she has some issues with being black and middle-class in Portland, and while I would never, ever post my self-hatred so blatantly in public, I do think that a large number of black folks might feel the same way. What white people think, in some cases is a necessity, especially if you live and work in a predominately white environment. Sure you cannot change how you are treated by the average Jane or Joe on the street, but in terms of access to housing, public places (restaurants, clubs), education and employment, if the person who can ultimately decide whether you get what you are looking for is not going to give it to you because of the colour of your skin, you are going to be (temporarily) screwed - it won't be the end of the world, but it is always going to be a pain in the ass.

(On a side note: in the first few years of living in Toronto I realized after one too many times of calling a landlord and arranging to look at a place, getting there and being told that within the span of an hour that the place was already 'rented' I asked my (white) older brother to accompany me to look at apartments).

But what do you do? Stepandfetchit all of your life? alter your physical appearance so you will look more.......I dunno, less intimidating? So regardless of what I think about TBG, her post, in a warped weird way, did raise an interesting scenario. Holla back about this. I'd be interested in what others think......

Rebbecca Walker's Latest Diss

A couple of weeks ago I happened to come across this article by Rebecca Walker in the UK's The Guardian about her relationship with her mother, novelist Alice Walker. Ouch!!!

It was a fascinating read but a friend had lent me Rebecca's book, Black, White and Jewish a couple of years ago, so I wasn't entirely surprised at the vitriol between mother and daughter. In the book, Alice is not portrayed as the most nurturing mother in the world - it is pretty obvious that her writing and her personal relationships took credence over child-rearing - and when I read it I had wondered what she must have thought when she read it.

Now obviously, this information is all one-sided. Some commenter's on the fabulous blog, Black Snob where Snob posted the link pointed out that if she hated her mother so much, why did she legally change her last name to Walker when she embarked on a writing career? Is this just a ploy to garner more attention for her writing? I am on the fence about this one, too. I love my Mommy - she isn't perfect and no ones mother really is, but I tell ya, there is no way in hell I would air dirty laundry so publicly as Rebbecca did. She might have a valid reason for doing so but I am trying really hard not to judge her for her actions.

Alice Walker is so well-renowned for her work that I wonder what this article will do for her current saint-like status in the black feminist / womanist community. Just a thought.

Vancouver - Where are all the black folks?

One of the very few perks about my FT job is that I get along with my bosses. A couple of weeks ago, they asked me if I wanted to go to Vancouver to serve as an on-site producer for the conference company I work for. Of course I agreed. A trip to Van City for free? Yeah!......Oh yeah, I have to work.

So I landed here on Monday afternoon and am staying at a very nice hotel downtown. Luckily a friend / co-worker of mine was also in town for another event so we hooked up and she took me to this incredible Japanese restaurant, were I actually ate chunks of raw fish (salmon and tuna) and didn't gag. Actually, it was amazing. But I noticed that when we entered the restaurant, the manager / owner of the restaurant would direct his questions to my friend (white) as though I was invisible. At first I thought I was being too sensitive but when he brought over our drinks, he did it again. Also, while the restaurant is in the heart of downtown Vancouver, it was 90% filled with Asian customers who looked like they were locals. As we walked in, a number of those customers turned and stared at me, and the staring continued as we sat and ate and new people walked in and sat beside us.

My friend, who had landed in the city a few days before me mentioned that she had rarely seen black folks as she travelled around the city. I agreed with her that it was sparse, having visited Vancouver a few years back when I went to visit my now ex-boyfriend. I knew back then that there was no way in hell I would ever live there, and my opinion hasn't changed.

After I finished working today, I changed my clothes and headed to the nearest mall near the Hotel, and then I walked up and down Robson and Granville streets, the main shopping districts. I did see a two brothas, whom ( probably because I was staring at them) looked at me and quickly looked away. Whatever, I guess, but I recognized the expressions on their faces - the same expressions black folks would give each other when I was a kid growing up in Kingston, ON. It was the same flash of recognition and then a dash of embarrassment, like 'I see you but I can't acknowledge you because we're both black and that's not right and then white people will look.' Part of me wanted to stop and ask them, where are the black folks here? Damn, how can you live here?

I have to admit that the reason why I am so sensitive is that I don't feel comfortable being the fly in the buttermilk. I endured 18 years of it and could not wait to move to Toronto where I could finally feel that I could blend in. And that was kind of a bust,as I found that I didn't fit in with black folks either...but at least there is more of them there than Kingston! I have no patience for the looks of surprise ( like I am getting from white people at the hotel I'm staying at) and it is really starting to annoy me.

Don't get me wrong. Vancouver is an absolutely beautiful city, minus the countless homeless and crack-addicted people that litter the streets. The weather is great, the influence of Asian culture is pretty cool and I hear that the Weed is primo. Just not for me. George Kelly and his wife recently visited Toronto and I took them along the rapidly gentrifying Queen Street West and he mentioned that I should visit a friend of his there, Cecily, who is African-American but married a Vancouverite but I have never met her in person, just online. Perhaps I should, just to ask her 'how do you do it?'

Outtakes from new Toronto Star article

First, I have an article in the Toronto Star. Check it out.

As the word count is pretty rigid, there was so much interesting stuff that I couldn't put in about what, if any social, economical and political changes Black Canadians might experience if Barak Obama becomes president. I asked a couple of questions that were not in the article and there was more elaborate responses, so I thought I would post some 'soundbites' here. I will not use the names of the respondents just in case......

Will a black candidate help elievate racism in North America? ( I asked this because 'some' feel that it would be a sign that racism will be no longer be an 'issue' - yeah, right)

Racism will be even worse if he was president. All those ugly whites. Racism will rise to a level that we haven’t seen before because a lot of whites hate black people. You have Rush Lambaugh, sean hannity, you have ABC, fox launching attacks. That’s where the mainstream media comes in, launching attacks. They will give room to (racists) any black person who get appointed – whether it be the supreme court or any level of government, will be targeted because they are black. You can also expect those whites who feel entitled because of white skin privledge that ‘hey, I’m not getting what I once had and I need to do something to those people who I feel have taken my spot where I should have been'. And then you will see it on the street. I don’t think we will be singing ‘we shall overcome.’

But wasn’t Obama thinking about this (how his candicacy would affect race / racism) before? Doesn’t / should he be thinking about the future?

You always have to weigh the pros and the cons. But you always have to look at what is good to you. We have never had a black man who has had a credible challenge before. It seems that he has a good shot in terms of delegates and fund raising. He is doing everything right. You have to ask yourself – what is the nature of citizenship? You are entitled to….How does it translate? A lot more Canadian blacks could run for political office. We might be seeing a huge change among the younger generation, as he has reached out to youth like nobody else has. He’s younger and looks young. And he will not be the youngest person but he is inspiring to the younger generation.

Do you think Black Canadians would volunteer to go down to the States and work on Obama's campgain - if they (legally) could?

I don’t think that a lot of Canadian black would go down to help with Obama’s campaign. I think it’s cute I think it’s funny and I think it’s silly. I think that Obama represents all of us. He is an immigrant – but he is not an immigrant, he has roots in Africa, he has other cultures in him he is American but on the other hand, he isn’t. I think that he represents all blacks but he also represents non-blacks, too.

Is it fair to think that an Obama presidency will be a positive imfluence among black youth? What about Canadians? (Okay I rephrased it a bit better during the interview)

“It will give (black youth) the self-respect and boost the image of the black community in the eyes of the country and in the world. At least I hope it will let people see that we can be more than gang-bangers and ‘ho’s!” Admitting that she is concerned more with American politics and Canadian politics because “I think what happens over there has a bigger impact on the world than what happens here,” she does not think that it will help in unifying the cultural differences that presently lie within the Black Canadian community. “There is not common experience. Black Canadians do not really have that one defining moment in their history. Whatever we experience here is just the byproduct of the African – American experience. Our clothing, the way we talk, the videos we watch – all these are based on the black American culture. Heck, you can’t even name a single leader in the community!”

F&*k! S@#t is blowing up, yo - Crazy summer, pt 2

So this is a continuation of This is going to be one crazy-ass summer. There is so much to say, and not so much time....but I wanted to ask a couple of questions that have been bothering me for awhile......

1. What did Rev. Wright say that was so wrong? I agreed with him. Except for the AIDS bit about the US government conspiring to kill off Negroes. That was a stretch........ I just thought it was strange that even though he explained during his appearance at the Press Club that the media - a) used very old clips of selective portions of his sermons, thereby tainting the overall message; and b) when he famously said "Goddamn America" he was actually quoting someone else. Don't people get it? But oh no, white folks just see a black man spouting an opinion that makes them feel uncomfortable and they get scurred. Payback's a bitch, ain't it? Sheeit.

2. Did Obama do the right thing? First, he throws his granny under a bus, and then Rev. Wright. I'm on the fence about this one. On one hand I think he did what he had to do, which was save his black ass (yes, I am claiming him as one of our own), on the other hand I think that he pissed of a majority of black Americans who feel that they need a President elect who is willing to be balls-out on the real truth about race in America. But in reality, you do that, and you'd be lucky your ass don't end up in jail with some trumped-up charge. Sho-nuff.  Wright, on the other hand, is questionable. I think that if I were him, I would have done the same thing by coming out and trying to explain myself, as even though Obama is running for the most powerful position in North America, it was pretty evident that he was not looking out for Wright's best interest. Therefore, if Wright wanted to clear his name and tell people what he really thinks, so be it. On the other hand, he might just have cost Obama the predidency.

But whose fault is that? Wright's? Look, you have to look out for No. 1. Wright was a minister - a very popular one - for over 30 years. He don't want to go out like that, so I think he just thought, 'f^#k it' and did what he had to do. Is it fair? No. But I don't blame him. BUT I also don't blame the many people who felt that he should have kept his mouth shut until after the election.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that despite the fact that I plan to see some serious kick-ass concerts this summer, I anticipate that it will be a difficult season because of the Presidential election and the heightened racial strife. It really angers me to see not only the media play along with this blatant bullshit over Rev. Wright, but how people actually buy into the notion that just because a person was associated with someone who might have held some 'radical' ( i.e the truth) views, that makes him somehow cupable to all the world's ails. Why isn't John McCain's pastor getting the same treatment? Why isn't Hillary Clinton catching more heat for her race-baiting?

Why, Lord, why?

I'd like to write about this over at.....well, I won't.

This is going to be one crazy-ass summer, Part 1.

Part 1. The Music

Awesome concerts. Protests. The possibility of riots. Fun Fun Fun!!!!

Anyone who has been reading this blog since 2005 knows that I have been a die-hard Judas Priest fan since I was a kid. A friend of mine recently let me know that they are coming to Toronto August 13th with Motorhead. Holy shit! What a lineup, since I first saw Priest in 2004 and Slayer opened for them. Fabulous! Needless to say, I am going. I have always wanted to see Motorhead, so this is going to be a show.

The funny thing is, is that my bestest homegirl has agreed to come with me and after I got over the initial excitement, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "let's get wasted and kick some ass!" It wasn't until the next day that I realized that a) there is a good possibility, given both of our tempers and willingness to fight random people that that could actually happen; and b) that I had temporarily forgotten my age, ethnicity and gender and that I was no longer a naive kid who could stir shit up and conveniently forget about consequences....like prison? Criminal record?

The week before that concert, the Rockstar Energy Mayhem Energy Tour featuring Mastodon, Slipknot, disturbed and from what I originally gathered, Sevendust, are coming to town. I thought that I would definitely check out the Toronto show, but they moved the location to a field, which turned off all my potential concert-going friends. One potential, who is my age, said that she was too old to be using a Port-o-Let in public, especially after a long day drinking beer in the hot summer sun. Another friend bowed out because Kathy Griffin is doing a show in the T-dot that night. Jesus! Man up, people!

Seriously, though. Do I really want to spend a day hanging around kids who are half my age and risk getting even more sun damage to my already ravaged skin? I think not. That's why if I go, it is going to have to be writing / work related. Getting older really sucks sometimes! So I might bow out of the latter concert, as I am told that Mastodon will probably make another trip to town sometime later this year, god willing.

Stay tuned for Part 2 - Political and racial strife - What is going to happen this summer?

I love My People....Really

There has been a whole lotta excellent blog posts up recently. Well if you look hard enough there are always great posts. For me, what is attractive is when someone dares to discuss something that you had thought about posting about but hesitated for fear of a nasty rebuttal. But since my hits have dropped off, I guess it doesn't really matter what I post here! So here it goes:

I am really feeling this new-ish blogger, The Black Snob who is off the hook. An excellent writer, funny as hell (you also need to check out her satirical site The Secret Council of American Negroes) she recently posted a commentary on, well, bougie black folks, most notably referring to the new website The Root.com.

I checked out The Root a few weeks back and actually felt a bit bad for thinking that not only was it kinda bougie, but that while it could have served as a valuable resource (as a potential freelancing opportunity), it was just not my skeez. I instantly knew that there was no way that not only would I have nothing to offer them, but I just did not relate or have interest in anything that they would want a prospective writer to cover. Plus, I looked at their roster of talent, which was pretty uninspiring - they have selected a roster of previously well-known AA writers with no great emphasis on bringing fresh faces to the table - playing it safe with no surprises. No offence, Jimi. So anyway, I was pretty pleased that Snob covered it.

I've been thinking about writing this post for a long time, especially since recently I have said to a couple of friends that as a writer, I no longer want any Black Canadian clients. Reading Snob's blog, checking out some recent posts from the Field Negro has compelled me to let it all hang out - a bit. Things are heating up in the US with the Democratic Presidential election and race and racism has reared its ugly head - always was there, just now everyone has a bird's eye view. On the other hand the NAACP has decided - along with Al Sharpton - to defend the accused Black rapists / torturers from the Dunbar Village case. We can love our people but we cannot be blind to the fact that everyone is human and that sometimes, we have to look after ourselves before anyone else, which means we sometime have to call each other out.

Sounds pretty bad, eh? Kinda prejudiced? Let me explain, as I think that it needs a bit of explanation.

A few months back, I did some work for a person who was referred to me by a longtime client. To make a long story short, during the duration of doing this job I realized that she was known as a con artist and the cheque that was given to me for the final portion of the job,bounced. She had her 'financial advisor' write me a cheque to an account that was later revealed to be sans funds (that they knew about) when they gave me the cheque. The bank froze my account two days before Christmas. So during the Christmas holidays and into February I was trying to get paid. Because I hounded both my client and the 'financial advisor' they became upset with me for inquiring about payment because after numerous text messages and phone calls, promising that they were on the way to the bank to deposit money into my account, even though the money was never deposited. What bothers me are two things:

1) They felt that because I didn't trust their transparent lies that they were on the way to the bank to  that they did not have to pay me - this was after over two months of not reimbursing me for the  bounced cheque;

2) The 'financial advisor' said to me when I was sceptical (and was proven right) that he was going to pay what was owing to me in my account in the next couple of days,that as 'black people we need to work together, to have each other's back.' Are you fucking kidding me? Now the motherfucker won't return my calls.

The caveat? I am now charging interest and will have to take them to small claims court. And I will have to pay for the court case out of my pocket and will probably never see the money. Oh, and I had the client sign a written agreement that she would pay be within 14 days of the completed project. I guess she lost the agreement. I haven't.

Needless to say, I was so angry that I had to let it go, otherwise I would have killed her. Also, this is part of the game of freelancing - you do have to trust that the people you are working with that they are going to pay you. Right now, I am dealing with another client who is giving me a song and dance and most likely, I will have problems recouping my money from her. She also used the same song and dance on me about how we need to look out for each other.

It is not these two instances that have turned me off working with Canadian Black folks - and I say Canadian because it seems to be a common trait and I have American ( Black and white) clients who I have not had these issues with. Over the seven years I have been doing various writing gigs for people in my city, I keep having the same problems with people that think you should work for them for free, people who delay paying you until you harass them to death and what I find incredibly insulting, is that despite my experience, they feel that they are doing you a favour and that all us Negroes need to scratch each other's back. But you aren't scratching my back. You are fucking me in the ass. (Excuse my language).

Quite frankly, I had it with being ripped off, unprofessional-ism among my own people and people who want to run their own business but unwilling to put the effort into doing it right. It sounds incredibly bad, snobby and prejudiced, but in my experience it is the truth. I honestly think that some Black Canadians are so in love with the facade of Americanized Hip-Hop success, that they think that it takes little effort to become successful and / or to make a load of money. We do not know enough about how successful Black folks had to work to make their coin, and some of the people I have dealt with over the years are unwilling to deal with others in a professional manner. And you know why I am writing this? Because it is hurtful.

Hurtful because I am a supporter of black and minority-owned businesses, I spend hours every week writing about issues that effect our communities. I put in the time in educating myself in ways that I needed to because I did not grow up in a black family or environment. I am not feeling sorry for my elf, but just realizing that it is time for me to grow the fuck up a bit and stop romanticizing that perhaps we will all be miraculously 'unified' because of our shared ethnicity.

Money only comes in one colour, and that is green, baby.

New Music - Meshuggah and Agnostic Front...and Fibroids?

Honestly? I have felt like crap for a couple of weeks because of these damn Fibroids. I have been going through the motions and even though I remain pretty busy I feel like my energy has been zapped by like, 75%. I wrote a bit about it this week at Blogher. Ordinarily, it is perhaps not the best idea to highlight 'women problems' online but large amount of women suffer from this problem and as I mention in the Blogher piece, I have had a difficult time trying to locate blogs by black women who talk about their experiences. So if you know of any or if you are writing about your own experiences, holla over at the other site as they are doing an interesting series right now. Plus, I ain't ashamed.

Wanted y'all metalheads to check out a couple of recent releases I have been digging. First, you have to check out the latest disc by Meshuggah, Obzen is the first album I've picked up from the band who has been around for awhile, and like Neurosis I will probably slowly make my way through their back catalogue. What can I say? Meshuggah is certainly not going to be everyone's cup of tea but their music is totally hypnotic, musicianship is incredible and yes, I am going to see them when they hit Toronto in May. Alone, that is. Unless someone wants to join a lonely, middle-aged black woman.........hint, hint.

I have been a curious follower of Agnostic Front for over fifteen years. Why? I dunno. I used to hang out with this guy who was, how can I say this politely? A self-hating Jewish dude who seemed to get off on anything anti-Jewish. He was really cool - turned me on to alot of hardcore punk and we used to see a lot of shows together but he had this unhealthy fascination with everything German - not specificallyGerman people and culture, but Nazi stuff, like he thought all German people were secretly racist. He was dating this German exchange student, who was beautiful and totally out of his league and he seemed to get off more on the fact that she was the stereotypical German-looking person and less that he had scored with a hot blonde, nice girl. Strange.

Anyway, he played me an old Agnostic Front album and I digged it. I then saw an interview with singer Roger Miret ( who is hot hot hot ) and Vinnie Stigma - who looked like he wouldn't hesitate to kick you ass into tomorrow - and I was hooked. Miret had just gotten out of prison and he had this cool tattoo of Jesus on a cross on his back. I was more fascinated by the two guys than the music, but over the next few years I would hear their music sporadically.

Since I have the musical taste of a 16 year-old, suburban, angst-filled white boy, I have started reading a lot of metal magazines, something I used to do when I was a teenager and read a review of their new album, Warriors and thought I would check out their Myspace page, which led me to picking up the album the next day. But are they racist?????

This is where the definition of racism gets a little murky. Miret is Cuban and Stigma - and from the looks of the other band members - are Italian, so can they be racist? Umm, yeah. I googled them to see what other people were saying, as there was no goddamn way I would buy their album if they were. There were a number of folks who were asking the same thing. Apparently, they are pretty militant about being American and anti-welfare and basically do not like people who they feel that aren't 'holding themselves responsible for their own problems', but I wasn't able to find any evidence of anything blatant. I love their music, though, so I guess I will give them the benefit of the doubt. For now, that is - and hopefully I am not on the way of making a total ass out of myself......I did return my Superjoint Ritual album, though.

Here's the video for 'Addiction' from their latest release, Warriors. Enjoy!